Dec
4
Mission Accomplished!
December 4, 2008 | Leave a Comment
(2 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5)
Loading ...Well, it’s all done. Through the power of perseverance, ingenuity, and passing off others’ ideas as my own, I’ve been able to come up with not two, not three, but four awesome efficiency improvements for the Doogleheimer & Schmitt offices. They’re bound to save bundles of money and create an atmosphere of shared responsibility for the financial success of the company. What could possibly be better than that? But I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. Here is my list of Recommended Improvements for Productivity, Office Flexibility, and Financialism.
- Coffee has been replaced with "decaffeinated coffee-flavored beverage" mix.
- On a similar note, coffeepot burners have been turned down to 103 degrees (the temperature of warm bathwater) to conserve energy.
- Microwave ovens in the break room will be replaced with coin-operated ones.
- And while in the bathroom, employees will be encouraged to utilize the back of the toilet tank as a small desk, so that they can continue working even in that location.
I’m really excited about the opportunity for savings and efficiency improvement that these represent. If the Doogleheimer & Schmitt folks adopt these amazing cost-saving practices (and rightsize their organization by half), they’ll be flying high in no time!
Anyway, I’ve got to go — time for my meeting with Tom to show him the results and pick up my check! I’m sure he’ll fill you in on the results once they have these new policies in place. Talk to you later!
Posted by Ken
Dec
1
I Do Declare
December 1, 2008 | Leave a Comment
(3 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ...Everyone seems to be in such a hub-bub around here lately. I have positively no idea why everyone is so uptight. We didn’t have this much excitement at Nussey, Zucker & Milch during the height of the cutbacks. I was one of the fortunate ones who made the leap to Doogleheimer & Schmitt. I feel flattered that they’d choose me out of all the talented people there. Jan was very impressed with my minor celebrity. You see, I was Miss Georgia in the 80’s and I haven’t changed my hairstyle since. The way I figure it, “southern belle” never goes out of style. Big hair will make a comeback. Y’all wait and see. And Miss Georgia is a big step up from Vidalia Onion Queen, my first crown.
I do declare! If Jan hadn’t given me this free BlackBookBerry as a signing bonus, I’m not sure I would have ever left NZM. I had built up quite a bit of tenure, admirers, vendor kickbacks and Coffee Klatch Points from the coffee establishment across the street. NZM was selling the office furniture and cutting back on fax machines, but the auditors seemed too stunned by my southern charm to pick up on the personal shopping money I was getting from our vendors for smiling some business their way every now and again.
I’m just saying that if God gave you a smile like mine, it’d be blasphemous not to use it. Fiddle-da-dee!
Posted by Ginger
Nov
27
What is Tom Thankful For?
November 27, 2008 | 1 Comment
(3 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading ...Found on a discarded page from Tom’s BlackBookBerry:
Things to be thankful for this year:
- * My Junior Executive Noise Canceller
- * Katie’s diligence forwarding those calls from Corporate over to Rick, Phil, and Jan instead of me
- * The Pretty People (and don’t act like you aren’t thankful too)
- * Phil agreeing to split the cost of the rowing machine with me so I didn’t have to send it back
- * Ned not turning out to be a zombie after all
- * Myself, for giving everyone Election Day afternoon off after a rockin’ office party
- * All our devoted fans, new and old, who’ve supported, encouraged, and challenged us in the first six months of business
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Your support and patronage is what we have to be thankful for this year!
Posted by the Founders of NBI LLC (the company behind the company behind the brand)
Nov
24
Stumped
November 24, 2008 | 6 Comments
(3 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5) Loading ...I’ll be the first to admit (to good folks like you who have no stake in my success at Doogleheimer & Schmitt), that I’m stumped. I’m all out of ideas as to what to do for them.
I had an early success with the nametag idea. Admittedly it wasn’t popular, but change seldom is. Still, folks gradually adopted it, and now first-time correct name identifications are up 75%. I laid that little number on Tom, and even though he seemed somewhat understated in his praise, he admitted that I’d improved something. So, two improvements to go.
And that’s where I’m stuck. I’ve been racking my brain for the last week and haven’t come up with a single idea. So, like all good consultants do when they’re out of ideas, I’m working my network. Post your comments to this post, and I’ll claim the best two as my own when I report back to Tom in a week. If it’s a really good suggestion, I may even give you a credit in the book I’m writing, "How I Used a BlackBookBerry to Save Doogleheimer & Schmitt From Certain Financial Ruin."
Thanks so much. I knew I could count on you.
Posted by Ken
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